Greetings, from the Single Guy.

Well, this is my first post as a single guy...

I've been meaning to blog for sometime......but I kept delaying it.....no excuse really. But I'm too depressed to sleep, and I've really got nothing else to do, which is also depressing.

So what is there to say? Been coming for a while...long time really. Although a few weeks before it happened I think it finally clicked that she was over being with me....I think I've subconsciously known it for months......but only a few weeks ago I got to the point where I had no reason not to finally admit it to myself. I hoped it was just a suspicion, and I was planning on talking to her about it face to face...but as it happened (completely unintentionally) when I did ask her about it, it was on the net, that Sunday night.

Following from that I think it's now pretty obvious whether or not my instincts were right. I just wish they were quicker, would've saved a helluva lot of pain and frustration over the last 4-5months or so.....When I get depressed about this I get frustrated, angry, ...but she already knows that...and most of the time I can't help but be understanding. I guess there's no point holding a grudge. Besides, I know it had to happen sooner or later - we can't go through our entire lives only being with one person, neither of us could do that.

I just wonder if she still feels the same way I've been feeling, especially over the past few days.

I think troppo on saturday night kinda fucked me up, it's been a little different ever since then. A little bit harder.

I dunno. Most of the time it's not depressing. A little painful, but not a depressing kind of pain. And we're still friends, getting along well, which is good. That's what I want, to stay close friends. Most other people are cynical, which is fair enough. I don't care if other people think we're making a mistake - by all mean, talk to us about it, that's what friends are for - but as long as everybody respects our decision that's all I ask. As I've said already, our breakup is different to usual. Because we were pretty much just friends before we broke up - and also because of Hawks nest. Giving each other space isn't an option right now. Maybe after Hawks nest we'll need it, but right now it isn't an option, and we don't need it anyway. But then again, we're probably going well as friends because we've been almost nothing more than friends for....god, I don't even know how long. I just don't know if I was too blind, stupid or weak to see the truth ages ago.

I guess I'll find out in the future sometime, if it ever happens again.